Life

I am 36 and have since lost 3 friends to life for 3 different reasons.

J was my secondary school classmate. I remember him to be one of the top performers in class. Me...I was mediocre and when the O levels draw near, he offered to help a group of us. He was quiet and silent in his ways. He came from a poor family and do not have a home phone which was very rare 20 years ago.

We parted ways and did not really kept in touch when we enter university. I heard he got a scholarship and went to Cambridge. I attended a class gathering during that time, and he was there. He was even more unusual then. He also told me he found God but I could tell he was not happy.

Years later, I heard he checked himself into Woodbridge to cope with his depression. I heard he did not do well in Cambridge and could not cope with the failure. He did some jobs but was not able to cope with life in general.

One morning on my way to breakfast with my mum, we saw my family electrician walking towards us. He did not seem to see us and was holding something in his hands. My mum then called him and he pulled out a photo of J and said that J was his elder son. J had jumped off a building not far from where we were staying. I was shocked to find our the relationship and also very much affected seeing J's photo and finding out this way. It was Valentine's day and I had the ugly job of informing all my friends. Some of us went to the funeral but I did not.


S was my senior in the course that I was taking. He always had his Ray Bans with him and never did what he was told. He was the ultimate cool bean in class and all the girls swoon over him, despite his average looks.

He was smart and never really had to study too hard to do well. He was active in a student organisation that I was also a part of. He was crazy about Calvin and Hobbes and had the rest of us crazy about it as well. He was a very close friend and he helped me through the difficult times during my uni days. He also took me to the Science prom and remembered he bought me a single rose. I never had romantic notions about S but he certainly was the big brother I never had.

I loved him so when that phone call came to tell me that he was killed in an accident years after we graduated, the sadness and regrets all came crashing down. We kept in touch now and then but we stopped being in each other's life. He was trying to navigate a bend in the rain when he crashed onto a tree. He was instantly killed.

Looking down at S's lifeless body in the coffin, with the handiwork of the embalmer who had the job of making an accident victim look "repaired", tears rolled down my face.


I knew C the longest, since we were 13. We were never close individually but as a team with the other members of our class, we were tight. Even as we grew up into our adult skins, we never really lost touch as once in a while someone will organise a reunion.

C was great at basketball despite his size and very fast on the court. He was the eldest in class and so we called him "Lao Da" for the "eldest one". He was quiet and did well enough to enter the polytechnic of his choice. What I did not know that when he was doing his National Service, he was diagnosed with diabetes.

The last time I met and talk to him which was during a wedding of a classmate, D, in the same class, he admitted that he was young and stupid and did not really care to take care of his condition. He ate as he liked and did not take medications. Subsequently, he lost one of his leg, knee downwards, to gangrene. He was wearing a prosthetic while tell us this story at the wedding. While I was shocked to find out, I encouraged him and even told him we need to meet again for a gathering.

I accidently found out about his death from D's facebook. I was very angry and resentful of D for not telling us. Apparently, later on D admitted that he too found out from another friend, who also found out by accident. He did not even think to inform us. Again, I delivered the bad news to the group. One of our other friends who knew C's parents visited them. It was more than a month after by then. C was not feeling well and was sick in bed when he started to feel breathless. He was sent to the hospital and the doctor said that although his heart is weak, he was stablised. He died that night of complications with his family around him.

It was hard coping with the loss as DH was on a business trip when I found out. I still have not visited the columbarium to see him. I am not sure I can stand seeing his picture and not him.


If I have learnt anything from my 3 friends, I learnt that life is unpredictable and things can all change in an instant. I now kiss my DH and kids goodbye and always make an effort to patch things up before we part. I do not know if I will be seeing them tonight and I want to make sure we part on a good note, with no regrets.

Priority Seats

This morning, I was waiting for the train to get to work.

When the train door opened, I saw a lady standing near the door. That really got my blood pumping since she looked like she is at least 6 - 7 months pregnant. The "priority seat" I assumed, was taken and that's why she stood holding on to the pole near the door.

You see, my stop, Tampines is only 1 stop from Pasir Ris which is where the train would have originated from. Not only she did not get a seat, she was left standing there. It is my pet peeve as I know how difficult it is to be pregnant.

In Tokyo and Seoul where I had the opportunity to take my family for holidays, priority seats are really priority seats. They are given up to old folks, pregnant women and folks with young kids with them. No matter where we went, as we had young kids with us, we always have a seat. Always. The Japanese and Koreans were truly gracious...as compared to us Singaporeans.

My friend noticed that whenever an "eligible" passenger get up the train, miraculously everyone would be asleep and not able to give up their seats. Others noticed that the younger generation are the ones hogging the seats, PSP or DS2 in hand. What ever happened to a more gracious and caring nation?

Everytime I see a situation like this, I feel like going to the offender and slapping them awake or taking their game set away. What was wrong with these people? Are they so tired that they did not care what happened to their fellow human beings in need or so selfish that all they think about is themselves?

The train came and we were squashed to the centre of the train car. Then I spot an old man (who could hardly balance) walk into our car. The young man sitting in the priority seat, abeit a a bit slow, gave up his seat to the old man.

Thank goodness my husband did not need to bail me out of the police station this morning for assault.